Why do people ave affairs? Has anyone you know had an affair? Is there more than just sex involved? Has anyone you know cheated on his of her girlfriend or boyfriend? Has this happened to you?
People have affairs either because they are not in control of what they are doing (through alcohol etc) or because their current relationship is not providing what they need. Either in terms of sex, or love or caring or adventure. This does not excuse it at all. It is a terrible thing, but the idea that relationships centre around sex, as portrayed in the media does not help the matter.
It leads to a generation of people who don't know what love actually is, and so have the wrong expectations of a relationship
Being someone that has had an affair in my first marriage, I can tell you that in my experience, it was the lack of emotional and physical contact. Both she and I were wrong for each other but stayed together for our kids, a wrong reason to stay together; in the end it was harder on just us. There is also the excitement factor though, will I get caught won't I? Let me tell you though more often than not I did. It was definately an imoral and wrong think I did, I am not proud of it and let me just state that you are trusted alot less in future relationships when they find out.
I think a lot of times couples get married to quick, without really knowing each other through and through, Personally I have had a lot of problems in my marriage of ten years, My husband is very selfish, and tends to forget that he has a step-daughter that I help raise and our own 3 children. If he had his way I would never go out with my friends, and I have heard more than once you wanted these children and you should spend the most time raising them. He has come along way, but their has been a glitch on my part, which wasn't the right thing to do, but it quite a while back and is never brought by either party, but he realizes when he has over stepped his boundary and try to help out more.
I think people have affairs because they feel very insecure about themselves. They feel that they have to cheat to make a point. My dad had an affair with a woman while married to my mother. I never looked at him the same way again, because they had been together for so long i couldnt understand why he would go and do it. I guess he was having some major issues with himself. Lakesha spurlock
I think people have affairs because they are insecure. If a person is not happy with who they are with, than they should let that person know, and severe any ties with them before moving on to someone else. If a person feel it's ok to stay with someone they are unhappy with and have an affair with another person, I think he or she is a coward, wants to have things his or her way, is greedy, selfish and the list goes on and on. I do know of people who cheated on their spouse or mate, and I can't condone these behaviors . . . (to be continued)
I think affairs are okay and should be tolerated much more than they are in the United States. Face it: everyone keeps some things from their spouse--certain secrets, certain things they think about, embarrassing feelings or past mistakes, cravings, weird desires, and more--so why not have one more thing that's private? AIDS, conservative media, churches, and other influences have given open sex a bad name. We're hypocritical about sex in the United States--ask any European--and think that it's "bad" to fool around with other people after we're married. But marriage is a social construct defined by the culture who observes it, so what is and isn't allowed to occur within a marriage can be adjusted by the society and by those who choose to enter the state of marriage. An open marriage makes the most sense to me (you get all the advantages of marriage with none, or fewer, of the restrictions), but I know that some people who have affairs (my wife included) have them because they are secret and naughty and private, and if a marriage were open, the secret, private aspect might be lost.
Mainly, I just wish people could be true to themselves without being untrue to their spouse. The truth is that many of us want to have a go with the good-looking neighbor next door. And why the hell shouldn't we? It's not like we have other lives to live past this one in which we can play out our fantasies (sorry, but DON'T count on heaven or an afterlife!), so why not make the most of our time on Earth, readjust our feeling about sex, get some fucking SELF-ESTEEM and INNER SECURITY and quit judging our loved ones by what they do with their private parts. We might as well judge them by what kind of ice cream they like best.
People in general need to begin recognizing the many WRONG assumptions they buy into every day--and one of those is that sex outside marriage is "cheating." The only ones being cheated are those who say NO when they want to say Yes but don't have the nerve because of social convention and restraints.
I'm sorry, but I'm getting so tired of Mr. Horath's ultraliberal responses. Where does he live? A hippie commune? Will someone please tell Jason that this is NOT the 1960s!
Of course affairs are evil. They shatter the fabric with which our society is held together: marriage. If everyone started having open marriages, why get married to begin with? Affairs are for weirdo sex freaks who don't have the balls to do what it takes to get what they need at home. Women like romance, and men like sex, everyone knows that. If men want more sex from their wife, then put out more romance. Works for me!
One of my best friends has told me that she has been sexually intimate with an ex-boyfriend while she is in another relationship that has been going on for six years now. She told me that she was guilty after it happened and that she still loved her boyfreind. In her case her actions are because she is confused about what she wants out of life and herself. If people are restless with their life but don't want to completely let go of their safety nets then they try to get around them by seeing people on the sly maybe unconsioucsly trying to get caught. Some people blame it on alcohol to me that just isn't good enough I know that with my past experiences' in being drunk;I know what happened during that time and remembered it in the morning. They may be drunk but it doesn't mean that they're not controling their actions. To me when I commit to someone I expect complete honesty and a commited relationship. Natasha
Tim's right generally people have affairs become something is missing from their current relationship. No sex does not have to be involved for an affair really, so yes there is more involved than sex. But affairs are wrong, if something is missing that apparently you need from a relationship then you should of never got married and went separate ways, and find someone else that completes you. I've had friends that cheated on her boyfriends, and cheated on his girlfriends. And yes almost all my ex girlfriends cheated on me (hence why they are my ex's). -Richard Hon
People who have affaris do not feel a commitment to the relation ship that they have. they hve commitment issuses. they are aslo people that are not very shure of them selves.
no, i do not know anyone that has had an affiar.
yes, i beleive that ther is more than just sex involved. there is some commitment issuses.
People have affairs because they are unable to be committed to just one person in a relationship. I think it has to do with insecurity. Knowing that if their current girlfriend/boyfriend left them, that they would still have someone as a backup. I think that these kind of people shouldn't be in relationships if they can't stay true to the one they are with. It isn't fair that one person is being completely faithful and honest while the other is lying and cheating behind their back. If someone is cheating, I don't see why they don't just get out of the relationship because obviously they don't love their partner as much as they should. If they aren't satisfied with the relationship they are in, seriously, just get out of it. I have been cheated on before and it is a terrible feeling, knowing that the person you are intimite with, shared that with someone else. There usually is more than just sex involved, it's that personal connection they have that you know you can never have with your partner who is cheating. I know people who cheat all the time but apparently they didn't mean it and are always "sorry" for it.
I think people get bored of the same 'ol' thing and they think the grass is greener on the other side,but it's not:it comes with even more problems than you started with because now you have to creeping around. I don't think it's right to cheat and I would NEVER cheat on anyone I loved and HOPEFULLY he feels the same. There's to many untreatable diseases out there. Tamika Newbern
An affair is not just about sex, it's much more then that. It's having feeling, feelings of passion, connection, sharing of ideas, and so much more that your spouse can not give you. An affair can start as easy as in minutes were you meet someone and you start talking to one another and find a connection with him or her. As time goes on so does the relationship with that new person. That leads to sex. It's not that they want to have an affair, but mainly the are force because either him or her is not getting the love or feelings that were once there. Although I have seen others have an affair for a form of revenge toward the love one. Some have an affair because they are always alone and need of someone.
15 comments:
People have affairs either because they are not in control of what they are doing (through alcohol etc) or because their current relationship is not providing what they need. Either in terms of sex, or love or caring or adventure. This does not excuse it at all. It is a terrible thing, but the idea that relationships centre around sex, as portrayed in the media does not help the matter.
It leads to a generation of people who don't know what love actually is, and so have the wrong expectations of a relationship
Being someone that has had an affair in my first marriage, I can tell you that in my experience, it was the lack of emotional and physical contact. Both she and I were wrong for each other but stayed together for our kids, a wrong reason to stay together; in the end it was harder on just us. There is also the excitement factor though, will I get caught won't I? Let me tell you though more often than not I did. It was definately an imoral and wrong think I did, I am not proud of it and let me just state that you are trusted alot less in future relationships when they find out.
I think a lot of times couples get married to quick, without really knowing each other through and through, Personally I have had a lot of problems in my marriage of ten years, My husband is very selfish, and tends to forget that he has a step-daughter that I help raise and our own 3 children. If he had his way I would never go out with my friends, and I have heard more than once you wanted these children and you should spend the most time raising them. He has come along way, but their has been a glitch on my part, which wasn't the right thing to do, but it quite a while back and is never brought by either party, but he realizes when he has over stepped his boundary and try to help out more.
Jena Hixon
I think people have affairs because they feel very insecure about themselves. They feel that they have to cheat to make a point. My dad had an affair with a woman while married to my mother. I never looked at him the same way again, because they had been together for so long i couldnt understand why he would go and do it. I guess he was having some major issues with himself.
Lakesha spurlock
I think people have affairs because they are insecure. If a person is not happy with who they are with, than they should let that person know, and severe any ties with them before moving on to someone else. If a person feel it's ok to stay with someone they are unhappy with and have an affair with another person, I think he or she is a coward, wants to have things his or her way, is greedy, selfish and the list goes on and on. I do know of people who cheated on their spouse or mate, and I can't condone these behaviors . . . (to be continued)
Beverly Burnside
I think affairs are okay and should be tolerated much more than they are in the United States. Face it: everyone keeps some things from their spouse--certain secrets, certain things they think about, embarrassing feelings or past mistakes, cravings, weird desires, and more--so why not have one more thing that's private? AIDS, conservative media, churches, and other influences have given open sex a bad name. We're hypocritical about sex in the United States--ask any European--and think that it's "bad" to fool around with other people after we're married. But marriage is a social construct defined by the culture who observes it, so what is and isn't allowed to occur within a marriage can be adjusted by the society and by those who choose to enter the state of marriage. An open marriage makes the most sense to me (you get all the advantages of marriage with none, or fewer, of the restrictions), but I know that some people who have affairs (my wife included) have them because they are secret and naughty and private, and if a marriage were open, the secret, private aspect might be lost.
Mainly, I just wish people could be true to themselves without being untrue to their spouse. The truth is that many of us want to have a go with the good-looking neighbor next door. And why the hell shouldn't we? It's not like we have other lives to live past this one in which we can play out our fantasies (sorry, but DON'T count on heaven or an afterlife!), so why not make the most of our time on Earth, readjust our feeling about sex, get some fucking SELF-ESTEEM and INNER SECURITY and quit judging our loved ones by what they do with their private parts. We might as well judge them by what kind of ice cream they like best.
People in general need to begin recognizing the many WRONG assumptions they buy into every day--and one of those is that sex outside marriage is "cheating." The only ones being cheated are those who say NO when they want to say Yes but don't have the nerve because of social convention and restraints.
Want my cell number?
Jason Horath
I'm sorry, but I'm getting so tired of Mr. Horath's ultraliberal responses. Where does he live? A hippie commune? Will someone please tell Jason that this is NOT the 1960s!
Of course affairs are evil. They shatter the fabric with which our society is held together: marriage. If everyone started having open marriages, why get married to begin with? Affairs are for weirdo sex freaks who don't have the balls to do what it takes to get what they need at home. Women like romance, and men like sex, everyone knows that. If men want more sex from their wife, then put out more romance. Works for me!
James Burke
Because they weren't satisfied with their relationship. Yes. Probably. Yes. Not 100% sure, but maybe.
One of my best friends has told me that she has been sexually intimate with an ex-boyfriend while she is in another relationship that has been going on for six years now. She told me that she was guilty after it happened and that she still loved her boyfreind. In her case her actions are because she is confused about what she wants out of life and herself. If people are restless with their life but don't want to completely let go of their safety nets then they try to get around them by seeing people on the sly maybe unconsioucsly trying to get caught.
Some people blame it on alcohol to me that just isn't good enough I know that with my past experiences' in being drunk;I know what happened during that time and remembered it in the morning. They may be drunk but it doesn't mean that they're not controling their actions. To me when I commit to someone I expect complete honesty and a commited relationship.
Natasha
they have it for the sex, and the lost love from the previous lover. Yes ive got friends that do it all the time, and no it hasnt happened to me
Britt Miller
Tim's right generally people have affairs become something is missing from their current relationship. No sex does not have to be involved for an affair really, so yes there is more involved than sex. But affairs are wrong, if something is missing that apparently you need from a relationship then you should of never got married and went separate ways, and find someone else that completes you. I've had friends that cheated on her boyfriends, and cheated on his girlfriends. And yes almost all my ex girlfriends cheated on me (hence why they are my ex's).
-Richard Hon
People who have affaris do not feel a commitment to the relation ship that they have. they hve commitment issuses. they are aslo people that are not very shure of them selves.
no, i do not know anyone that has had an affiar.
yes, i beleive that ther is more than just sex involved. there is some commitment issuses.
People have affairs because they are unable to be committed to just one person in a relationship. I think it has to do with insecurity. Knowing that if their current girlfriend/boyfriend left them, that they would still have someone as a backup. I think that these kind of people shouldn't be in relationships if they can't stay true to the one they are with. It isn't fair that one person is being completely faithful and honest while the other is lying and cheating behind their back. If someone is cheating, I don't see why they don't just get out of the relationship because obviously they don't love their partner as much as they should. If they aren't satisfied with the relationship they are in, seriously, just get out of it. I have been cheated on before and it is a terrible feeling, knowing that the person you are intimite with, shared that with someone else. There usually is more than just sex involved, it's that personal connection they have that you know you can never have with your partner who is cheating. I know people who cheat all the time but apparently they didn't mean it and are always "sorry" for it.
Elizabeth Moody
I think people get bored of the same 'ol' thing and they think the grass is greener on the other side,but it's not:it comes with even more problems than you started with because now you have to creeping around. I don't think it's right to cheat and I would NEVER cheat on anyone I loved and HOPEFULLY he feels the same. There's to many untreatable diseases out there.
Tamika Newbern
An affair is not just about sex, it's much more then that. It's having feeling, feelings of passion, connection, sharing of ideas, and so much more that your spouse can not give you. An affair can start as easy as in minutes were you meet someone and you start talking to one another and find a connection with him or her. As time goes on so does the relationship with that new person.
That leads to sex. It's not that they want to have an affair, but mainly the are force because either him or her is not getting the love or feelings that were once there.
Although I have seen others have an affair for a form of revenge toward the love one. Some have an affair because they are always alone and need of someone.
Orlando Ontiveros
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