Is it morally, ethically, or in any other way wrong for people of opposite genders with a significant age difference to be friends and spend large amounts of time together? For example, would it be wrong for a 48 year old man to call, instant message, watch movies, play games, and go out to eat with a 16 year old girl? What circumstances would make this kind of relationship wrong? If you think it is wrong, are there any circumstances that would make it okay? Basically, are there any exceptions
to your view? Thanks! ~Adrianna
16 comments:
Adrianna, I know what situation you are referring to so the scenario is a little less creepy. DM is not the kind of man many child molesters are. Relationships with older, more mature people are okay and actually rather vital. However, kids and young adults go through a difficult social stage, in which it is necessary to spend quality time with people within the same age group. DM should be socializing with senior cit...I mean more mature people. A relationship to the extent that you have described is awkward and, not morally wrong, but socially wrong. Being acquaintances is just fine, but there are definitely limitations to more serious friendships.
-Michael Holmes
I think the older you get the more you know about love and relationships. So some one who is 16 shouldn't hang out with some 30 years older they are. Maybe it just depends more on the person because some 25 year olds who date 50 year olds are sometimes less mature than a 21 year old. But i still people should wait until they are atleast in their mid-upper twenties before they start dating someone who is old enough to be their father or, in some cases, their mother.
Kellie
I think some people are taking this the wrong way. I am not talking about someone 48 years old dating someone who is 16. that is wrong. What I am saying is just being friends, hanging out, giving advise, and offering an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Nothing more. thanks! ~Adrianna~
I think that a 16 year old should not be "friends" with a 48 year old man, especially to the extent that you have laid out in your question, going out to eat, watyching movies, etc. those are dates. I'm not a person that cares about age except were one party is underage, now once the 16 year old turns 18 and can legally make decisions on their own then go right ahead.
Jamar Brown
I believe that age should not be a factor; but in this case, it comes into the situation. If looked at it from the point of view that my father was the 48 year old man and that he was hanging out with girls my age or younger, I couldn't look at him the same way. That is disrespectful to his wife in my opinion, also. If the man were my husband, I wouldn't take it. In a large group of people of both sexes and all age groups, I could understand it a little better. It's always nice to have an adult to look up to, but not as a best buddy.
Rebecca
I do not think it is appropriate for an older man spending that amount of time with a younger person of that age. If it is a relative, and it does not seem odd, ok. However, what would a man of that age want to spend time with a young girl of 16? If you ask me, it looks like molestation. I cannot see any circumstances where this would be ok. If it were my daughter, I would have charges pressed on a man of that age wanting to spend time of that nature. Darcy Cekander
I think as long as the relationship focuses on exchanging ideas, there's definitely no problem. For instance, if a young woman wants to visit a coffee shop in midafternoon with an older man to discuss Schopenhauer or something, I see nothing wrong with that, even if the woman is my daughter. If anything physical comes into play, even the older friend providing a shoulder to lean on or something casual like that, someone can get mixed messages. In general I agree with Rebecca that age should not matter in friendships, but if my 16-year-old daughter made noises about befriending a 40-year-old man, I would have some misgivings about his intentions. I would want to get to know him very well before he struck up a friendship with my daughter that involved IMing, eating together, or spending any time alone together. I wouldn't like that I was so suspicious of the guy, maybe, but when it comes to children, much better safe than sorry.
John W.
Too many people would take a simple relationship and turn it into a complex one. Even if the man only chatted with the girl every now and then peole would look down upon it. Many people would assume the worst possible, and I don't blame them. More people are becoming sex offenders. You can't be too carefull. I wouldn't hang out with a 40 year old man because of the news and what you hear. You never know if his intetions if they are pure or not. Many people are masters at lying. I think it is wrong unless it is family.
Nicole Mulrooney
I think friends come in all ages, but if you have to question it or think something is weird about the relationship then you should just end the friendship there. There are always times when a friendship turns into a relationship... but if it is 100% just a friendship then i think it's ok. But maybe the two people shouldn't do 'alone' type things because you never know.
Kellie
I think with an age difference like you gave as an example it is wrong. I think that it is wrong because she isn'e even legal and he could be her DAD! GROSS! I think with an age difference like that if they were sexually active that would be wrong because she isn't even had a chance to become an adult. I don't think I would make any exceptions for any special circumstances. I think that is just morally wrong.
~Ashley Ross
I do belive that,48 and 16 is way too much of an age difference.I think that it isn't a good idea, becasue people with that age difference don't have that much in common and it would be wierd seeing a way older person dateing a way younger peerson. You would aslo have to be careful of al the sex offenders out there these days. There a lot of them out and they prowel on youg girls to be their targets.
Jamie Brooks
this question depends on the ages between the two people. If you are 46 and having realations of any kind with a 16 year old you would be considered one of two things, or maybe both a peddifile or or a rapist. But if you are 22 and having relations with a 40 or older person then it is ok. to the laws eyes. I am 26 and I prefer to date men no more then 10 years older then I. I never had success with men my own age and I don't like men younger then me. I grew up around older people my whole life and i always had success whth men between 30 and 36. I think that the legal age to be an adult should be 21, to drink, smoke, and to date. Because most 18 year olds are still trying to figure out who they are.
Thanx audrey p.
Ok, well,luckily I know you and I know that your question wasn't intended to be about a romantic relationship with a 48 year old man, but merely a frienship. But, I think that just goes to show how no matter how you word it, people look at it and take it the wrong way. You did not mean that there was ever going to be more than just a friendship, but in most of these answers I am reading, it is coming up.
I see nothing wrong with having a friendship with an older person, but most certainly find something wrong when a 16 year old girl would much rather spend her time with a 48 year old man. Playing games, watching movies, going out to eat is not a problem at all, but I think that there needs to be more people there. Not a one on one thing. Now, the whole IMing thing or texting...I can see that too, as long as it doesn't become too much. Maybe a once in a while thing. But, if the 16 year old would much rather spend his/her time hanging out with a 48 year old instead of people their own age, I find that sort of weird.
The only way I see it not being weird to be with an older friend, is if the teenager doesn't have a father/mother figure. If they have a friendship with an older person because maybe an adult is lacking in their life, then I understand. Teenagers need an adult to be able to talk to. But, if the teenager does have both parents and talks more with their 48 year old friend than their parent, I would find that almost insulting as a parent. I think it would hurt my feelings. After all, shouldn't the teen be talking to their parents and shouldn't the parent be lending their shoulder to cry on? And shouldn't the parent be the friend with the 48 year old man instead of a 16 year old?
I guess it really depends on circumstances for me to really say how I feel about this.
Sorry if my comment is confusing.
Lindi Hettinger
I do not think that men and women with such a significant age gap should be friends or should associate on any personal level. i mean come on, what could they possibly have in common, what could they talk about, what can they do together? Plsy video games, go for ice cream, or long walks on the beach.
Corey
I think that friendships happen between anyone no matter what race, age, or ethnicity. No one can really help who they become friends with, and they shouldn't. You see friendships between people who are a significant age apart quite often. However, there have also been cases where the friendship turns into a serious relationship. I think that the parents of the younger person should be very good friends with the older person. Also, the friends should probably spend a majority of their time together in public places and even with other friends. This is needed just to make sure that they don't get wrongly accused of anything. As long as the relationship stays merely as friends, everything would be okay.
~*Amanda Wasowitz*~
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