What are your views on divorce and how it affects the family as a whole?
How do you think divorce affects children?
In your opinion, what methods should be used to handle the affects divorce has on an entire family?
Darcy Cekander
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14 comments:
I think divorce should be used as a last resort for parents who are having marital problems. Yes, it does affect the children. I don't come from a family whrer divorces are prevalent and have never lived through one, but I have friends who have and there are devastating affects. First of all, when a divorce occurs in a family, children tend to think that they are at fault, and they don;t understand what exactly is going on. Divorce can also lead to the "I love you more than your Mommy/Daddy" game. Parents are competing by buying their children whatever they want to make them like that particular parent better. Also, some parents bad mouth the other parent to the child(ren). This can cause damge to the relationships between the child(ren) and their parents. When a divorce is the only answer, the parents should make sure to sit down together with the children and make it a point to tell them that it is not their fault, and that they still love each and every one of them. They need to make sure to stand united in the position of loving the children. Also, the parents must make sure to be civil to each other while in front of the children and continue to plan times when the children can spend time with both parents at the same time. ~Adrianna
I come from a broken family. My mother and father divorced when I was about 11 years old due to my father's alcoholism. For me, the divorce didn't have "devastating affects" as Adrianna mentioned. In fact, the divorce was a new start. With my father living elsewhere, my family and I no longer had to deal with his excessive drinking and his 'abusive episodes'. Although I think divorce has become way too common, I believe my mother left my father to protect herself and my family.
"I love you more than your Mommy/Daddy" game."--From Adrianna's comment.
In my personal experience, this has never happened. I am sure that it has happened to other kids before, but I have been very forunate. My parents maintained a decent relationship for the sake of our family. Neither of my parents bad-mouth each other, neither of my parents try to be the better parent, and neither of my parents expect us to love them more.
All in all, I believe that if the couple has exhausted all other ways to save the marriage, then divorce should be considered. When children are involved, divorce needs to be approached much more cautiously.
-Alex
I think divorce isn't a good thing, but also its not a bad thing. I think its pretty foolish when people rush into a marriage after a few months and then realize they cant stand each other. When my parents divorced it was after 8 or 9 years, and I believe that was a good thing that they did. It did affect me a little, but when I got older I realized it was for the better. I can see these days that they are much happier with the people they are married to now. The step-parents I have are wonderfull people, so I cant complain a bit. When people do get divorced, and they have children, they will have to come incontact with each other. In my opinion when they do see each other around the children they shouldnt fight. They should never let the children see them fighting or say bad things about the other parent in front of the children. Aaron Royse
I live in a family where my parents are so in love, and they knew it from the beginning that they were each others one and only. I am Catholic, so we are taught that divorce is very wrong. I think that divorce can split a family up, of course, physically, but also emotionally. I know a couple who got a divorce. The mother moved to Kansas, while the father stayed here. They had two boys about five years apart. The mother took the younger one, but left the older one with the father. How does that make the boys feel? This is where it physically splits up the family. Those boys could have been best friends, but due to a mistake that was not their own, they don't even know each other(as they were very young when their parents split up). A divorce can play with a child's mind, such as making them think that the divorce is their fault. This can result in the child feeling alone and this makes them more susceptible to getting into trouble. And the chain goes on and on. Divorce can really punish children for something that is out of their control. I think parents should try their hardest to stay together if they are having marraige problems, at least for the kids' sake. The parents should take time to remember the reasons why they got married in the first place and use their children to keep them from separating.
Rebecca Carmack
Divorce is a huge issue that is becoming more popular. It effects the whole family differenly. My parents got divorced when I was two. My mom could see my dad getting worse and worse. He would drink and drive, yell a lot, and much more. Her only way out was divorce. It was hard for me and my sister but we are better off. We grew up quickly and with my mom. As we grew up we would get looked down on as a family because I only had a mom (my dad stop seeing us when I was 8). Everyone thought we didn't have money, insurace, or any other necessity. But the truth is I have everything I want. But it was hard growing up knowing that everyone judges you because of a divorce. Children can go to counciling so they know the issue. So they don't think it is their fault. Their are many reasons people get divorced. Some are for the better.
Nicole Mulrooney
I am more against divorce than i am for it- but it really depends on the situation. I know it is best for kids that the parents stay together, but how much can we expect the mother/father to take. If the child gets to still see both of parents and the parents remain friends or atleast civil then i don't see a problem with it. But if a child has to go through World War 3 then it is totally unfair to the child. The parents have to realize that the child needs both of them and can't be put in the middle of things.
Kellie
As a Catholic, I have been raised not to accept divorce as a quick fix to a problem. Whenever wedding vowels are shared between a man and wife, a promise with God is created. Promises with the Lord should not be broken. Kids with divorced parents question the stability of their lives when their own family is split. Every effort to nurture a lasting and loving marriage should be made by the couple.
Therapy for a divorced couple and their kids is based on how sensative
the family is to such a break in a family bond. Counseling and medication are probably very common and helpful, though a stable marriage can always avoid these inconvenient coping methods.
-Michael Holmes
my views on divorce are it can be good or bad. if the family will be better off with the parents separated i think it's a good thing. if the family is going to fall to pieces i think that it's a bad thing. i think it just depends on how much the parents want the family to work. if they can make the family work without living together and making sure everyone's getting along and is happy, i don't see the big deal in the divorce. i think that divorce can affect the children if the divorce ended on bad terms. i think that if the parents can't get along after the divorce than the child is going to have a lot of problems and things to deal with. i think that if the family cannot handle the affects of divorce on there own than they should probably get some help from a counciling center or something.
~Ashley Ross
I have been exposed to divorce several times in my life. I have had friends go through it and I have had to deal with it myself also. I guess it hasn't been particularly hard for me because I have never met my real dad. When I had a stepfather, I did not like him at all. However, I have seen it have a rather large impact on some of my good friends. Their parents have lied to try to get them to favor one of the parents over the other, bribed the children, and even bad-mouthed the other parent. This does more harm than good. The kids could become scarred for life by not knowing the truth. First of all, couples should know each other very well before getting married. This could prevent arguments that could lead to divorce. Also, if arguments start to occur on a regular basis, they should be taken care of immediately. Conseling seems to work for some families. If arguments are worked out before they get too serious, the marriage could possibly be saved.
~*Amanda Wasowitz*~
Divorcement is challenging on everyone. Children now have to deal with their mom and dad not liking eachother anymore and they have to go either fatherless or motherless. This seperation is hard on a family because it litteraly splits it apart. I think this splitting in the family is due to the parents lack of effort into the marriage. Most parents now a days focus on their children than they do focusing on their own relationship. Because of this lack of work between the parents the marriage starts to fall apart and eventually collapses. so in my mind the way to effectivly handle a divorcement is not to have one at all and have the parents give their all to each other
By: Ryan Duda
I think that divorce can be very hurtful on the family becasue then it feels like you have to pick and choose who you side with and try not to offend the others in the famuly.
I think that iut effects the children in the worst way because the children have to useally pick which parent to go live with. It is hard for them to relize that their parents are seperate and tyhat they are not a family together anymore.
In my opinion I think that even if you have to get divorced you still need to be very helpful and civil to keep the kidsd happy and not depressed avout their parents being divorced.
Jamie Brooks
My parents have been together since high school, and still are very much in love, and almost all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents have been happily married. SO, I have not really been immediately exposed to divorce. I think that divorce can be a good or a bad thing, depending on the circumstances. I have one friend who's parents got divorced when she was in sixth grade. I didn't know her at that time, because she hadn't moved to our school district yet, but from what she's told me, she had a hard time. She lived with her dad because her mom had issues of her own, and then her dad fell in love with a woman he worked with and moved her and himself into his girlfriends house in my town. It turned out to be the best thing for her. She has called her dad and his girlfriend her "parents" and although she doesn't call her her mom, she says she's been a mother figure. It was hard for her because she didn't talk with her mom for almost a year and half, so there was a lot of anger there, but now she goes and visits her and her new little brother all of the time. In time, everything worked out for her and she says that she doesn't know what she would've done if her parents wouldn't have gotten a divorce.
Now, on the other hand, I have a friend who lives out of this state, so I haven't talked to her much, but I do know that when her parents got divorced, it was a nasty divorce and her mom threatened to kill herself and her dad didn't care. It was a mess. Now she never EVER wants to get married and is almost bitter about the idea of ever falling in love with just one person. I find that horrible, because she's told me that if her parents wouldn't have had so many issues that she probably wouldn't have felt that way.
I think it just depends on the situation, and I most certainly think that divorce should be a last resort. Like, when people say they've gotten 4 or5 divorces, well...maybe they should just stop getting married. After all, marriage is supposed to be a vow "until death do us part".
I think that parents need to be considerate of their children when they get a divorce and remember that the child is torn with the idea that their father doesn't love their mother anymore, because that child looks up to both of those adults, and needs to know that they respect each other always, even if they fall out of love.
Lindi Hettinger
I think that divorce is an easy way out of a tough situation and it tears apart a family, especialy when kids are involved. I think that it definitely has a negative impact on children, however, I think I've heard somewhere that it's better for childeren to grow up in a single parent home that's stable, rather than a two parent home where there is constant fighting.
Personaly, I was fortunate enough to not have my parents divorce each other, so I can't give you a first hand accurate account on the subject. I do have a neice and nephew who's parents got a divorce when they were 5 and 2, and it wasn't a pleasant thing to watch them go through. They're still affected by it today. They are lukcy enough that their dad is still actively involved in their lives, though.
The only effective method that I can think of that could possible help the affects on a family is therapy and counsiling if it's needed.
I'm sorry it took me so long to reply to your question, and I hope it's helpfull.
Pat Mahoney
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