Is being in a same-sex relationship okay? If people discover (or decide) that they are gay, should they keep that information private, or should they let their family know? What if the person is 40 or 50 and has children and a marriage of 25 years? What if the person is 60 plus years old and married 40 plus years, does that change your opinion? Should the person accept his or her sexuality and try to be true to himself (or herself) or should he deny the truth of his feelings and try to keep his family intact? What is your opinion and why do you have this opinion?
Thanks for your input!
Dave Crain
Thanks for your input!
Dave Crain
16 comments:
People always say, "do what makes you happy." This, quite frankly is selfish and undoubtedly will cause harm to others. Someone discovering they want to be in a same sex relationship after they have been in a heterosexual relationship for such a long period of time may just be seeking a change.
To answer the question, if people are gay, great, get together, enjoy life. IF you decide after you've already commited your life to another person you wanna switch it up and play for the other team - not so good. I don't like the idea, it gives the idea of marriage far less power than its ever had. Before divorce was a shocking rumor sent through the community in which you live, now its a weekend process that happens more frequently than 25 year anniversary parties. So, should a person care to leave their spouse for someone of the same sex? YOu're going to effect your children, your spouse and your entire family. Good or bad they'll have to accept you for who you are, but this person will have to be ready to deal with the consequences.
Eric T
Being in the same-sex relationship is definatley okay. They should not keep it private, they should shout it from the roof tops if they want too. Being in love is an amazing thing, and you can't choose who you fall for. I don't think people "decide" to be gay, it's something they can't control. People should accept them for the choices they make, and be happy that they found someone to make them happy. If the person is 40 or 50 and has a marriage, and children, they should still come out and let people know, but they should do it with sympathy and compassion. You should always be true to yourself, if you aren't you are not going to be truly happy ever, and not going to be able to experience life. If your family loves you enough, they should want you to be happy, and they should be able to see through this. Granted, in a family situation the person should not have let it gone on long enough to cause that kind of pain, but it's a hard situation to deal with because in this society, same-sex marriage is looked down upon. I have these opinions because everyone should be able to live life to the fullest, we shouldn't judge people because of who they love, it's not our place. We also shouldn't judge people because of something that isn't "socially acceptable" just because we were brain washed to believe what is "right" and "wrong."
I just posted the above comment
-Caitlin
Personally, I think that males and females are born with equipment that is meant to go together with the opposite sex. HOWEVER, that is only my feeling about my sexuality. It is not a judgment on other people. Personally, I don't care if someone is gay or not. I guess what bothers me is, why do some, not all, gays feel like they have to talk about sexuality in public at all? Unless I'm with a good friend, a boyfriend, or something along those very personal lines, I do not go around announcing my sexuality to the general public. It just seems kind of out of line and out of place to me. WHO CARES? Shut up about it. If I was curious about your sexuality, I would ask. Since I haven't, why are you announcing it to me? How would a gay person feel if I, out of the clear blue, said "Hey everybody, I'm a heterosexual, and this is my partner, blah, blah, blah." Everybody would look at me like I was insane. That would not be socially acceptable for me to do. Why is it okay for them to do it? See what I mean? I don't care what anyone does behind closed doors for God's sake! If a person has been married for many years, and does or doesn't have children, I think they should think of their children first. Perhaps they should ask themselves if they are really unhappy with the person they are married to. They loved that person once, didn't they? Or was the whole thing a lie? In any case, perhaps they should wait for the children to grow up and move out so as not to disrupt their lives. I think too many people in this world crush other people whom they once obviously loved, for selfish reasons -- not just that they might be gay, or that being gay is a selfish thing, but people trounce other people all the time over extremely selfish things, desires, wants, fantasies, etc. If you've spent a lot of time with someone, do you repay them for loving you and being there for you by crushing them? I'm sorry, but I believe if you are gay, you have ALWAYS been gay, and should never have married a member of the opposite sex in the first place. That is a lie that should have never been told. Be true to yourself, but be true to others around you as well.
Stacie Carlson
I think being gay and in a relationship that their family or friends don't know about would be extremely difficult. Yet, each person's situation would have to be handled differently.
It is like everything in life...you always have to take into consideration the beliefs and feelings of those around you.
If you know that your friends or family would be terribly upset and that it would cause extreme discomfort or pain in their lives, it is probably better to just not tell them.
However if you know that not telling someone, would be later view as lieing to them then you should probably tell them.
For example:
I know a man who recently told his parents that he was gay because they kept trying to set him up with various females and kept hinting that they can't wait for him to find a wife and have kids someday. He had been in a gay relationship for 10 years and his parents knew and liked his "best friend", but didn't know that was his partner. He finally told his parents because he felt like he was living a lie if he didn't. He knew they believed that being gay was living in sin...but he also knew that his parents had unconditional love for him.
He did not, however tell his 85 year old grandpa because he did not want the news to cause any unnessary strain to his already frail, aging grandpa.
He also did not tell his step brothers and step sisters because they are not very close and never talk anyway. They only have casual conversations once a year at the family Christmas gathering. He knows they are all very biggoted and would only say hurtful things and that would cause unnecessary family feuding.
He is also a school teacher and so he wears a ring on his ring finger and keeps a picture of him and his sister on his desk. He said that way he just lets his students assume what they want and it saves any unecessary questions, conflicts, etc.
I think he is smart to selectively tell people and also show caring compassion by not telling people that he knew it would negatively effect.
He and his partner never show public displays of affection and are offended by male/female couples that public display their affection. They are very conservative about that.
I think that there are ( I acctually know) many married adults with children who are gay. They actually kept trying to prove to theirselves that they weren't because the society they grew up in would have rejected them. So they chose to try to live a lie.
I think when people finally come to terms that they can't live like that anymore...hopefully they will handle theirself and make decisions that will not negatively affect their close family and friends. Especially if they have children. I know I have to often go with out a lot of things because for the time being, until my kids are adults, my first and most important objective in life is being a Mom! Therefore, I have had to end some relationships with a few guys, not because the relationship or the guy was bad, but because it was not something that was in the best interest of my children at the time. They were not emotionally ready to understand or deal with their mommy being in another relationship. Hopefully, if an adult parent cannot remain living a lie about their sexuality, they will think about their timing in sharing this information with their kids. Sometimes as parents you do have to deny what you feel, desire, or want for the sake of what is best for your kids. That cannot be answered in one simple answer. Everyone's situations are different. I hope I have made some sort of sense.
jan baker
From Barb Beals:
I don't think it's right to necessarily give or not give "permission" to be gay. I believe that a person that is attracted to the same sex can be gay for several reasons. Either you're born with it, or maybe a bad relationship made you hate the opposite sex. For any reason someone might be gay it's only an issue because it's been made into one. It's just like interracial marriage and dating. It's only an issue because as a society we've decided that it's out of the 'norm' for people to do such things. It would be funny to me to see a gay interracial couple. Wouldn't that turn heads. I don't think that they should be kept from being able to get married. Most gays show signs when they are very young so why would it be so astounding to learn that they are gay as an adult. I think that this is such a big deal because parents want to live in denial, and if there is something 'out of the ordinary' with their child that it is somehow their fault, so if the child has grown up to be an adult then comes home to tell mom and dad the truth, it may make the parents blame themselves for not rearing their kid the right way. That somehow they made them into being gay. I say do what makes you happy and if it doesn't harm someone else, then go for it. If you were married just to hide, then I think you better make your husband/wife your best friend, and have an open marriage for the kids sake. My last point is that if someone truly loves you like your parents, siblings, and kids they will love you unconditionally. It may be a hell of a shock but eventually they will love you because at the very least at least you're being honest.
From Debra Porter:
I think that being in a same sex relationship is okay, but I woulnd't do it. I am not gay, but I understand that some people are--and I respect that. It is weird for me to see people of the same sex kissing in public, but I'm not going to be disgusted by it. It just seems weird to me because it's not something you see everyday. I think that if it was more widely accepted, we would see more of it. I think it is up to the people who are gay to tell their parents. It doesn't matter the age they are or what they have going on in their lives. If they are gay, then that is what they are. I think the person should follow their heart if they are gay and are married to the opposite sex. If they are more of a bisexual, then I could understand them staying with their family. It really depends on the person. I feel I am a very open person and don't really have any strict opinions on much of anything, so I feel pretty open on this subject.
I think that being in a same-sex relationship is okay in some cases. I DON'T believe that same-sex marriage is okay in anyway though. Marriage was designed for a man and a woman. If a person is gay, I belive they have the choice to tell their family, or keep it a secret.
If a parent decides that they are "gay", I think it should be kept private from the child till they can understand what it means and everything. If a person decides they are "gay" and are already in a marriage brings up a whole new issue. Should they get divorced or stay together? This is where the issue gets quite hairy. If I was in the position, I would try to keep the family intact. But if a person finds out that they are "gay", might drive the marriage apart by itself.
Jeremy Lamb
I think its kind of wrong, but if the person is happy with the opposite sex then i guess thats cool. But it can sometimes be bad. Sometimes men can be involved with another man, but on the side they have a girlfreind. A girlfriend that doesnt know whats going on. And the man can give his girlfriend something without her knowing it, same with a gay female. So being in a relation ship with the same sex can be cool if thats what you like, but it can also have its down falls.
Fabion Harris
I think it is okay. If thats what you like then nobody should be stopping you from being happy. I think if somebody is gay then if they feel they want to let people know then thay should tell there parents. If it were to get to that then i think that should tell their family and let them know what is going on. I feel that if somebody wants to be gay then dont try and change them because their just going to hate you.
Edwidge Philiziare
I feel that a person needs to figure out who they are and until you have expierenced life enough to know how you wish to fufill the dreams you have dreamt, you should not enter in a life choice--ie:marriage--with another person. Oh, but that's in a perfect world.
People make human choices and human mistakes. The consequences of those choices can take you down so many different paths of life, it will make your head spin.
Like what is currently in the news-the cell phone debate. Do you really believe that the young girl in question wanted to make the choice that when she looked away for a moment, and when that moment of choice occured, it cost a young man his life?
That is a choice that will haunt her for the rest of her life, and to tie this to the question at hand, the choice was just that--a CHOICE. If you chose to begin a gay relationship after you chose to have a heterosexual life for 25 or 40 years, there will be disastrous connotations in many lives-your children, your spouse, your personal friends, your co-workers, ALL of the people that you have touched in your life. This is not to say you should keep living a lie, but that it is a choice. And only you can make that choice.
So I guess my opinion is that it is not for me or anyone else to judge another person's decisions. They are the one who will have to live their life. And I believe consequently will have to pay for their choices.
Pam Whisman
I persoanlly dont see a really big problem with it, if they are happy and that is the way they choose to live their life then let them. I think they can tell who they want to tell. I dont think they need to broadcast to the whole world saying it, but they should have the right to tell whoever they want and whenever they want. They know when the best timing is and if anyone has figured it out or not. If people ask you about it then i think it is up to the indiviudal to decide on a way to respond to it. I think it would be weird to be married and have kids and after 25 years of marriage you decide to tell your spouse that you are gay. I know if that were me, i would be very very upset, it would be as if they were lying to you, your family, and your children of who you really are. You should have been honest in the first place and told them first. I think it would cause so much pain and stress on your family and especially on the children. If they are old enough to understand what was going on. I would want the person to be true to their self as best they cann, i guess if it takes 30 years of marriage to find that out but i just would find it very strange. I think this because if you try putting yourself in a postion that you are married with kids how you feel if your spouse, the lvoe of your life decides to tell you that they are gay.
Stephanie Einck
I don't really think there is a problem with it, but i don't think people really enjoy seeing it. If people do decide they are gay then i think they should let their families know. They are going to act really awkward and won't want to be the same sex because they'll think "is he attracted to me?" or something along those lines. If a person is married and then decides that they are gay then there is going to be a very hurt family, especially if they have kids. The kids won't want to be assicated with them, and personally i wouldn't either. I think if they are way older and then decide then they weren't happy with their marriage. You can't be sixty years old and then turn gay. Not if you have been married most of your life, there is something wrong. I think they should accept it, but really think hard about it because if they do say they are then they will be losing their life, family, and everything inbetween. I wouldn't ever want to have a lesiban or a gay man in my family. I think it is wrong, but i also don't really see a problem with it. I grew up with my parents against this topic and that is why i think what i think. I know it would NOT be accepted in my family!!
Sonja Paul
The first question seemed a bit appalling to me because it is like asking if it is ok to be a women or black or a Christian. How can we ask if it is ok to be something that we do not have any choice over? With all of the negative stigma attached to homosexuality in our society who would choose to be gay?
To address your questions regarding previously married individuals with families who are deciding to finally come out of the closet, I feel that if the individual has children his/ her primary responsibly is to the children. If these children were raised on the premise of a traditional family I feel that it is the parent’s obligation to sustain that premise until the children are able to handle the consequences involved in such a disclosure. If on the other hand the individual did not have any children I think honesty would be the best policy.
Emily Chittick
I'm a firm believer in the saying "do what makes you happy until it doesnt make you happy anymore". I dont believe in being a people pleaser and making other people happy before yourself. I do think that if you have children you should definitely think about how they will react to it before you go parading around telling people that you're gay. I dont really think it matters how old you are either. if you're comfortable enough and close enough with your family, then go for it and tell them. I think it's completely up to the person whether they want to "come out", but I'm fine with people being in same-sex relationships.
Ashlee Meredith
I think it is all wrong. You should never be able to marry the same sex because not only is it against God it is also so sick. If one of my family members were gay i would never talk to them again because i am against it. When i see or hear a gay guy it makes me want to throw-up. For them to adopt i also think that it is really wrong because they never had a choice about it. It would be really hard being a child with your parents being gay. So you can see im not pro-gay.
Justin Henrichs (9:00)
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