Why, as a woman, when it comes to loving a man, it turns into loving him too much? Even when the man is no longer good for us and undeserving of us, uncaring, and never around, we can't let him go. Why can't we? Is it because we think we need him in order to function?
Thanks for your help!
Ebonni Akins (morning class)
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19 comments:
I think thses situations have a lot to do with insecurity. If we're not completely happy with ourselves, then we need others in our life to validate us, make us feel we are worthwhile. If a person is doing that for us, then wants to leave, we feel like there must be something wrong with us, when really it's mainly the others person's, in this case the man's, fault!
Clint Foran
Im not a professional nor a woman but i think i have a reasoning for this... men are just plain confusing and im my opinion more comfusing than women. we simply cant project what we are thinking and especially how we are feeling. so at that point its the woman job to guess and make the best decision. we do thing that are not always right but then again neither do women. I guess that its a sense of comfort that they feel knowing that there is another person around to help them out, whether it be emotionally, physically, or financially. But this is not just applied towards women! men do the same thing and will many times dump the woman and move on carrying a heavy burden on their shoulders and look like a jackass to cover it up. This is really just a characteristic of basic human instincts, the feelings will be there and this happens with spouses, significant others, roommates, siblings, and PARENTS. its the fact of seperation that makes people weak, as much as we crave independence we hold on to security.
benjamin mckenna
I think that a lot of us are afraid to be alone. We think that if we let him go we may never find anyone again. I think that we are also plagued with the question "why doesn't he love me?" We keep thinking that he will change and that he will all of a sudden become the man you want him to be. I think that a lot of us are also just following the example of other women. When you see someone else in a relationship like that you think how ridiculous it is that they are still together, but when your in a relationship that's like that you use seeing other women putting up with that behavior as an excuse to keep on doing that.
Kendle Sherry
Well Ebonni i think because we don't have much faith in one another. Long relationships are in the pass long in the pass. We are not happy with ourselves thats why (men) throw the blame on women after awhile you don't want to be in that relationship anymore no matter how much she love you. As they say theirs more fish out in the sea. Their was more fish out in the to begin with. If you have a child out of that relationship the kid winds up getting the bad end of it, with two seperant parents. The system not wrong we are? Daryl V. Brown
Women have been groomed over time into believing that there is something "wrong" with them if they don't have a "man". I get asked at least once a week when my boyfriend of eight years and I are going to get married. When I respond...right after hell freezes over..it gets really quiet really fast. I am definantly a minority with these views. Men have a tendency to give women a false sense of security so no matter how bad it gets women will stay with them. Women are afraid to be alone due to society's views. This is an issue that has been around for as long as the earth has been turning. We need to teach all young women that they don't need a man to be complete. Until that happens this will continue to be a problem for all women. Views and mindsets need to change to help more women avoid this rut.
Hannah
When talking about relationships, I think women are more insecure and more giving than the majority of men. I think most women feel they can't make it on their own financially. Men also do alot of things around the house that most women can't or won't do, like mow, work on the car, clean gutters, fix the furnace, water heater, washer, dryer, etc. For years, it has always been the women's job to keep the relationship happy, whether providing meals or sex. I think that women view a broken relationship as a personal failure and it's hard to fail at something. I think that deep down, women believe that their man will change.
Robbin R.
I think we need me so bad because we get lonely if they are not there. We tend to cling to them for what ever reason. We think we need them in our lives to love us and take care of us but we dont its just all in our minds. I guess to us women we just want them to love us and be there for us just like we are there for them.
Lakesha Spurlock
I think women are a lot more emotionally unstable. They get attached to their boyfriends, and even when they know that their boyfriend is no longer good to them, they can't stand the thought of leaving them. I think that they have a fear of being alone. As well as they don't think they will find anyone else. They want to be taken care of and even when they know that their boyfriend is no longer good for them, they somehow think that this guy will always be there for them. A man doesn't like to show his emotions, and he is not going to be as emotionally unstable as his girlfriend. Even though they don't show it most of the time, the guy has to somewhat care about the girl if he is staying with her. He obviously is with her for a reason and I'm sure that he knows that. There is just a big difference how women and men view relationships and honestly, I don't think it will ever be understood.
Elizabeth Moody
Because girls tend to get attached more easily. No i dont think many girls think they need just that one guy to function.
Britt Miller
I think we as women stay with our men because we feel a sense of duty and responsibility in the relationship, but the problems is most men don't feel the same way. I'm not a man hater, i'm just speaking from experience. Most of the time low down men come from households without fathers. Some women come from households of mothers that endured bad relationships with thier mates and feel that it's the right thing to do, also we don't allow ourselves to see the true colors when we are dating. We need to have long conversations about what we expect from a mate and watch closely a person's traits while dating. Find out if he or she wants kids, likes kids, is materialistic, gets angry easily, etc.
Beverly Burnside
I think we need them for security. They are the ones that are suppost to take care of us, and the thought of them not being there scares us so we will do anything to keep them happy so they won't leave us.
WeTona Houtzel
When a women finds a man she immediately becomes head over heels for that person. Many women are afraid to be alone and when they see something that is any sort of promising they jump on it. In my opinoin women have a lot more feelings than men do. Or we show them a lot more. Somethign that could break a women's heart won't even touch a man's heart. As a women, and being in a relationship, I feel like I need my boyfriend to function. He is something that I depend on everyday and he has grown to be a part of me. It takes a lot for a women to let a man go.
Tiffany Hartke
I feel as a women we depend on men to much. We as women have to learn how to set our own goals and learn to stand on our own two feet. As young children we are taught that men are our backbone and that's not true. I am my own backbone.
Tamika Newbern
Girl let me tell you I went through hell and back with men. I would put up with all their stuff and keep them around. I was afraid of being by myself so I just put up with them. I got so sick and tired of them and their bull that I have turned away from them all together. I now am engaged to a woman and we are planning on getting married. I do not have to put up with any bull in this relationship.
Shannon Black
its hard to speak about this me being a man. but i have to say that men and women are both confusing. they are 2 differnt and no matter what happens somebody is going to get hurt in someway. me are all for relaxing and sittin down watching sports you know being lazy. while woman want to go shopping all the time and cuddle all the time. guys need time to therselfs guys dont like to have attention all the time
craig acree
Hi Ebonni! Interesting question, I think it's a little more complex and completely individual. I think in some cases the woman is scared emotionally, worried financially, and just unsure of what she can do on her own and embarrassed by what might be considered a failure. There are so many reasons why women stay with men. When children are involved it's an even harder situation. What about the stay at home mom with little to no income? I was in a bad marriage for ten years, the last five years were particularly bad. Now I wonder why I waited so long to end it, seems like a lot of time wasted and too many fights and loneliness.Initially I stayed because I felt I had to wait until the kids were older. I also was unsure how I'd do it financially and on my own. But you know what? I'm here working, going to school, and taking care of my kids on my own. It's very difficult, some days I'm happy and on top of the world, and others I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of housework, homework, never ending work!! I'm also in another relationship now. I don't feel that I "need" a man, especially now that I'm doing things on my own. But I love having someone to care about, to think and daydream about, to talk with for hours, to joke around with--someone to love! Just because I've seen bad relationships and been in one, doesn't mean I'd hide myself away and give up on men totally. Katrina Schoonover
I don't know that I have ever loved a man too much. I have loves some one very much and very intensley, but I think he appreciates that and the love is returned. It's hard to let anything go once you are attached. I don't want to throw away a pair of shoes that I have had for 5 years. I think you can end a relationship as soon as you are ready. Maybe you still love him but he no longers feels the same way, and that makes it hard to walk away from something you love. And for awhile even after the seperation you will need him to function. Especailly if you have been with this person for some time, you were used to functioning with him so it will take time and some adjusting to function without him.
christie
First of all, that really doesn't happen to a majority of women. Secondly, some women who stay can't leave, or think they can't because of children or financial problems. Sometimes they have no place else to go. Other women think they can change their guy into their prince charming or think they can't find any one else. My best friend won't break up with her guy because she is afraid of the period between him and the next guy...she doesn't want to be alone. Women just need to realize that they are stonger than they realize and can be happier. They can find someone who will make them as happy as they deserve to be.
Teresa Osterbur
I find this to be a very interesting question. I have wondered this myself. I believe that women have a much more sensitive nature than men. I think that in a lot of the relationships today women are the ones who try the most to make it work. I believe that the women do the majority of the sacrificing and put in the most effort. It is because of all of this labor that is given, that the women don’t want to give it all up. When I think of it like that I can see why. When I put my heart and soul into something I don’t easily quit on it.
I have seen some women stay with their man even though he has cheated on her and done tones of disrespectful things to her. When asked why they respond with the answer that they can change him. I feel that women think that if they love their man enough that he will change his ways. They may even have the mindset that they are to blame. Now as to why this happens I am not sure. I think no matter what the sex is, if the person you are with is not good enough for you then you should leave them.
David Floyd
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