Adopted children are usually not allowed to find their biological parents until they are 18 years old. Is it wrong to hold from a child until they are 18 where their biological traits come from? Do you think that it is better to let a child know they are adopted at an early age? Is it better to withhold that a child is adopted? What age is a good age for adopted children to know who their biological parents are? Do the adopted parents need to have complete control over finding the biological parents so the child doesnt get hurt by the biological parents?
Jodi Hardwick (10:00)
24 comments:
I think it is okay for a child not to know who their biological parents are until they are 18 as long as they don't ask or don't want to know. I think the adoptive parents are the ones to best determine when a child is ready to be told they are adopted. The parent will know how it will effect them whether its good or bad. It should defiantly be after the age of 18 when the child finds out who their real parents are. I think this because the child has to be emotionally and mentally ready to find all of this out and it could be a real shocker to them. After someone is 18 they should do whatever they want and the adoptive parents can not stop them for looking for their real parents.
Becky Gryczewski
I do think it is wrong to keep a secret like this from a kid until they are 18. Yes, that's when they become "adults" but in my opinion knowing the information sooner is better than later. Children at a younger age may not exactly understand but through time it will make sense and when they have time to grow on it, it should be easier to deal with. One of my friends put her baby up for adoption and he's probably about 5 and he's knows exactly who is real mom is and they see each other all the time. He may not get what's going on, but I think that is they best way for them to learn. I don't think there is a certain age limit, it's different for every kid. So, it should depend on the kid and how mature and smart they are. Some kids might not take it as well as others. This is where things are more difficult. If the biological parents were abusive or on drugs or something like that then it may be a smart idea to keep the child away from them. No one wants a kid to be harmed. Once they clean up their act and get on the right track, the kids should be able to get to know they're real parents. But, the adopted parents should have control over finding the biological parents until the kids are in there teens somewhere. Little kids don't know all the rights from wrongs so it would be smart to help them out.
-- Heather Alber
This is such a good question because it is a huge, life altering deal to the person adopted. Maybe there should be records that will let the child find out at a younger age who made them and why they were adopted. BUT it is unfair to the people who gave them up to have someone show up at their door after a certain amount of time wanting to know why. Some people hide the fact that they had a child they gave up from their families or future spouses and children. If the person who gave the baby up because they just couldn't care for them would like to know their child in the future, there should be info available when the child is ready for it when they are considered legal adults.
But the people who are raising the child until they are an adult still get to make the rules whether we think they are right or wrong for not telling the child.
If I were the child I would want to know my entire life that someone else made me, but if it were my child that was adopted, I don't know what I would do. TOUGH QUESTION!
Amy (10a.m.)
I think it is wrong for the child to not know their real parents until they are 18 years old. I don’t think it would be healthy for them to know they were adopted at an early age. I think a good age for them to know is 15. I think it would be hard for the child to deal with at a young age but if they find out when they are 18 and grown, it could make them mad and upset that they are just then finding out that they were adopted. I don’t think the adopted parents should have complete control over finding the biological parents. If the child wants to see his/her real parents, they should be able to. Anyone would hate not being able to see the people that brought them into this world.
Jesse Naive (9:00)
I do believe that it is wrong to keep from a child that they are adopted. But my feeling is that the parents of the adopted child should look for the child's biological parents to see if it would be a good idea for them to meet eachother. I feel this because you don't know why the biological parents gave up their child. It could be possible that they were forced to give up their child because the were doing illegal things, or something like that. But if I were to adopt a child I would definately tell them that they are adopted, but I would wait till they were old enought to understand it. I would wait until they were at least 14 years old, but then I would sit down and have a really long talk with them and explame whatever I could to why their parents did what they did, if I know why. I do think that it is right that adopted children get to make the choice of trying to find their biological parents. But if the biological parents decide that they want to see their child, then it would be up to the adoptive parents and the child.
Justine Miller
I think it is wrong to keep from a child who their biological parents are, until they are 18. A child should know that they are adopted, because it is good to hear it from their adoptive parents. I have heard of adoptive children finding out that they were adopted from someone else and that would hurt them more then hearing it from their adoptive parents. If the child came from a bad situation then it would be good to wait to tell them that they were adopted, they will be able to handle the truth better when they are older. No one wants to have the child go though a bad situation again. The adoptive parents should wait until the child is at an age where the child will understand what they are telling them. The child will have a lot of questions once they find out the truth. Parents know their children and they will know when the right time is to tell them they were adopted.
Anita Freeman
This is a tough call. Everyone is so different that it would be hard to make one ruling fit every situation. I think that any health concerns should be disclosed to the adopted family. Sometimes problems come up later in the childs' life where the doctors need that information. I think that the child should know that they are adopted from the beginning. Secrets like that are hard to keep and can cause a lot of problems if they are found out at a bad time or in a bad way. (example: In the heat of an argument) Telling the child that they are adopted when they are a teenager is in my opinion not the best time to break the news. Teenagers can have a hard enough time with daily life let alone drop something like adoption on them. The adoptive parents should have control of all contact with the biological parents. However, as the child gets older that gets more complicated. I don't know what the right answer is for that one. People are so different and sometimes they don't have the childs' best interest in mind.
Lois (10:00)
I think every kid should know their biological parents, living 18 years without knowing their real parent is just wrong!! You wouldn’t want to go 18 years without knowing your biological parents—so why make them? Most kids are going to be really upset/ hurt with their foster parents for keeping the biggest most important secret from them.
Brittney (10:00)
I don't think that it's right that adopted children should wait until they're 18 to figure out who their biological parents are and where their traits come from. I was adopted by my mom when i was 3 years old, but I never want to meet my biological mother. I do wonder sometimes what she's like to see if anything is similar between us but that's all. I know what she looks like but I look nothing like her. I think that the children that are adopted do have a right to know that they are and not hide that from them because it is a big deal to the adopted people. I don't think there is a good age, I think that whenever the child wants to meet their biological parent/s. It also depends on the why they were adopted. Adoptive parents don't need to have complete control over them finding their biological paretns, but i think its safe to some extent.
If they want to know who their real parents are then they should have the right to find out before they are 18. I think its wrong that if a child knows they are adopted; and they want to find their real parents they shouldnt be denied the right. Maybe if they find out who their real parents are and they realize they wont to have anything to do with them. They wont be anticipating turning 18 to find them.
Nolan
I think that the decision goes both ways because some parents should tell the child and some shouldnt. Thats best left up to the parent and the child, depending on the situation.
ashleymitchell
I think the adoptive parents should tell their child they are adopted as soon as they can understand that. The child may not want to be a part of their real parents lives right away but if they do why not let them have those rights. It may hurt the adoptive parent that they can't be their real parents but they have to realize that child still loves them. They are the reason they got through everything they did in life and they will always be grateful for the that. Openness and honesty.
Kaylan
I think its up to the biological parents if they want to be on record for their kids to find them. Then its up to the parents who adopted the children, to tell the children about them being adopted. This may cause some emotions to come out when doing this at age 18, but at an early age I think would be the best time because they haven't experienced the emotional situations yet that an 18 year old would go through. So the earlier the better. Then you should give the child the choice to go out and find their biological parents or to never want to know. There are so many sides to this any way can be good and any way can be bad.
--Jeremy Harding
I am kinda speechless I was addopted by my moms husband and i was old enough to remember that he is not my biological dad. but i love him more than my own dad and dont even think about him not being as my real dad. so i really think it is not a bad thing for kids to know so they wouldnt blame their biological parents for leaving them in the foster houses. that helps them to know the reason and not struggle as much
Neli Aryani (10:00)
I think it depends on the child. I think that once a kid is old enough to understand you should tell them they were adopted. I think that you don't have to talk about the child's real parents unless they ask you about it.
Jessica Brooks
Yes i think when the child is old enough to understand you should tell them. Lying to the child will only make things worse and when they are old enough they need to know. 18 does seem like a while to wait especially when the child could understand the adoption process a lot earlier than that. No matter what the child should eventually be told he is adopted before 18 and maybe be able to meet his biological parents before then if he or she wants to.
K.J. Picard (9:00)
it should all be up to the real parents and adopted parents.
65 mustang
Yes I do think that adopted children should have the choice before they are 18 unless stipulated by the birth parents otherwise.
Autumn
I think that if a child wants to know who their biological parents are then they should have the right to know, no matter what age they are. I understand that they are a minor and sometimes they don't know for sure what they want and are maybe not mature enough to handle the consequences of what they are asking. But, I still think that it is their choice and we should allow them to make their own decision.
Jake Oltean 10:00
This is a sore spot in my life. My father is adopted, and that leaves me clueless to half of the roots from which I came to be. The biggest issue with adopted children is just that, their identity.. I think. The decision to enlighten the child should be made carefully.. At the right time. No one can say when that is except the parent who's raised the child. And when the decision is made to pry open that door, The parents should approach and maintain the utmost patience and concern towards the issue. They should make the child aware of the truth and leave the next step up to the child. Our future lies within the imagination of the youth Our innerchild never dies, but it can be buried beneath of lies. I think the responsibility to enlighten your child with the necessary knowledge is thee most important and influential act of love you can ever show.
Jed Ten o'clock
I definitely think that it's wrong to with hold this key information from someone. Although this could be hard at a young age I would always want to know sooner than later. Before I go my whole life living as nothing is wrong and then one day my "parents" tell me they're not my parents and my mom and dad put me up for adoption. I think there should be documentation when a child is put up for adoption that states there mother and fathers name so that when a child is old enough and mature enough they can look and know themselves who there parents are and could possibly find them. If I was adopted I would be really mad at my parents depending on the circumstances, but i would always want to meet them. i wouldnt want to meet them untill I was old enough and physically ready but I definitely would want to know as early as i could understand that I was adopted.
I feel If they want to know who their parents are then 18 would be a good age, but they shouldn't be forced. It could be a good or bad thing, and people don't realize that everyone should at least have a choice to know who their birth parents are if the parent(s) is willing to see their child.
I myself am an adopted child. Well I'm 16 now. Not really a child. I have known about my adoption my whole life. And Unlike most comments I am seeing. It should be up to the child. My adoptive parents hate it when I ask about my mother or even bring up my adoption. To be quite frank. This angers me and makes me look at my adoptive parents as not parents. Just care takers. Meeting your own parents should be the child's choice. Not the Adoptive parents, because lets face it. They may have raised us. But that doesn't mean they know how we truly feel. That fact even goes for parents who don't adopt and have kids. Some kids just may not care who their real parents are and that is okay. Some people may not be emotionally stable enough to meet their real parents. That is okay. But it doesn't mean that every child is like that. It's our parents, our life. Stop acting like we are going to commit suicide if our real parents are not how we hoped they would be. We are stronger than most people think. In my opinion. Everyone who has comment against children meeting their real parents (and have NOT been adopted) and think it should be up to the adoptive parents to decide. What gives you the right to say whats right and wrong for us? When you, and the adoptive parents have no clue what we are going though. Now I know I am bias. But It's my whats I think, and I stand by my opinion.
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