In your observations and experience, what is the ideal age difference in a dating relationship? Does this change as you get older? Why is it that the male is often the older one in a relationship? When is it unacceptable for an adult to date a minor? Why does our society seem to frown on relationships between people who are, say, 16 and 20? Don't people mature at different rates? If so, why does age play such a significant role in determining how "right" someone is for another?
Thanks for your input!!!
Bridgette
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19 comments:
From Jan Baker:
Actually, I do believe that everyone matures at differnt ages and from my experience, I haven't met too many guys that seem very mature until they reach their 30's - for that matter, I was nearly 28 when I think I started taking life seriously.
The age thing is hard. Especially when you have teenage sweethearts dating for the last year and one of them turns 18 and everyone suddenly thinks it is wrong for them to be dating because the other one is only 16. Yet, it was perfectly okay when they were 15 and 17. How do you explain that? I don't think you can! Sometimes laws don't fit every situation quite right.
I think the laws are made to protect an innocent teen from having a perverted adult prey on them - that is a good thing, because it does happen!!
Trying to determine at what age people mature is funny. I know 50 year olds who are still not mature!
Idealistically, if the question is about a very young adult (age 18-20) dating a 16+ year old, I would hope that the family structure is there to advice and guide the couple. It is the parents job to monitor the situation and decide what is best for their child. I know I sound like a mom, but we mom's usually end up being right about our instincts. You'll thank your mom someday - trust me, i did!
Anyway, unfortunately not everyone has a good family support system to offer direction and guidance, that is why I believe society had to set some guidlines.
Whenever a couple does date and there is a question of age difference - it might be a good idea to ask where they are in life. Do they both have similar goals and priorities. It will probably be difficult if one is trying to focus on intensive studies at college and the other one is worrying about going to high schoo with the huge zit on his nose. I am kidding, but seriously....Are you both focused or is one partying and the other one serious about becoming succesful in their career path? Does one think about college, good job, family while the other dreams of the keg on the weekend?
just things to think about.
I couldn't agree more from the post above me. Maturity level is totally dependent on the person not just there age. Age can give you a generalization of how mature someone is. For me personally I know several over 30, 40 and even 50 year olds who are less mature then some 18 or 20 year olds. It just all depends on the personality of the individual and how down to Earth that individual is. The only reason they have the age of 18 is to protect young teens and kids from those sick bastards called petafiles. It's sad that our country has these types of folks out there but you got to look out for the kids.
Dan Berger
I think the big deal is that younger people may only be a few years apart but they could be at very different maturity levels. it's not such a big deal to be 10 years apart if you're 40 or 50. Its just that we do most of our maturing before age 25, atleast compared to the rest of our lives.
so i think it totally depends on the people, but i think if they're both under 20, 4 years is probably more than enough age difference. but like i said, people mature at different rates so it depends on the people.
From Debra Porter:
Hi Bridgette I'll try and tell you what I think, but I do contradict myself a lot. So beware.
I would say that the man is usually older because I've heard from somewhere that men are supposed to mature slower than women, so when a woman is younger than the man, even though there's an age gap, the man is at the same maturity level because they are a few years older. For example, if they were both 18, the woman might be more mature, but if the woman is 18, and the man is 20, the maturity level would be the same. In my experiences all of my boyfriends except one have been older than me, by at least 1 or 2 years. The boy that was younger obviously didnt work out, seeing as I said boyfriends (plural). And I'd have to say that's because he was younger, he was less mature, and I also just couldnt handle the fact that we weren't in the same grade, even if it was one years difference. I've also always felt that I've been above average on the intelligence level, so seeing as men are less mature, and I was above grades, it just couldn't work.
That being said, I think that an ideal age difference is different for different people. (All of these examples will be talked about as the woman being the younger age) For example, when you hear of someone being 18 and the other 23, most people would think that's weird, because they're lives are usually so different. The 18 year old may still be in high school, while the 23 year old maybe in college, or done, and has started their career and real life outside of school. But then there could be a 47 year old and a 54 year old, and no one would think it's different. The 47 and 54 year old's relationship would be considered not as weird as the 18 and 23 year old's because they're lives are on the same level. They're not in school, and they're not just starting with their career. But for example, if someone is 19 and someone is 27, this could be really odd. The 19 year old may just be starting college, while the 27 year old may already have a child with another person. Why would the 19 year old want to be with this person if they already have a child, especially if they wanted to have a child with them. But if the 19 year old isnt going to college and just starting with a career right out of HS, maybe it wouldn't be too weird. I guess it really just depends on the circumstances of the relationship, where the people are in their lives, etc.
I think that even though it is illegal for an adult to date a minor, I don't think it's bad. I believe what Jan said in her second paragraph pretty much sums it up. And it's like I said before, it depends on the circumstances and the points the two people are in their lives.
I think it would be harder to have a relationship when two people are 18 and 22, rather than those two people being 32 and 36, it wouldn't be as hard. The latter ages of people have already started their adult lives, without school, not living with their parents, and they are at the ideal maturity--so nothing really to worry about.
Well, that's all I have for now, if I think of anything else I guess I'll just reply again!
the comment at 7:34 was blake.
In the end age is just a number. Society seems to frown on it more when your younger mostly because they think that you're too immature to know what you want out of life, including what you want in a partner.
The male being older in most relationships I believe comes from a secuirty factor. Women I think tend to go towards an older male, for the security of being with someone who should 'in theory' be mature, established in life, maybe financially secure, and more protective.
The adult/minor relationship will always be an iffy issue. Do I have a problem with it, no, as long as its for the right reasons. I think the parents should monitor the relationship closely, because I think if they straight up reject the realtionship, that tends to make the person want it more and do it out of spite(Not in all cases but some). Anyone who says age plays a part in who is right for you is mistaken. In the end I think it all boils down to the chemistry between 2 people thats it. If you connect with someone who is 15-20 years older and your happy with that person, that should be the only thing that matters. In the end I say personal happiness should be the deciding factor, not age.
This input brought to you by the one, the only, Ben Rogers
I used to ponder over the same quetions. My mother and my step-father are 10 years apart as well as my grandparnets. They really couldn't explain why it was acceptable for them and not me. My mom can't say it's because you become more mature when you get older, because my step-father does not have the same maturiy level as my mom. Grandma tells me times were different back then.
I feel it's the same situation but a different day.
In my experiences it is very difficult to put an age on maturity. All through my jr high and high school years I dated and associated with older guys, but the man i married is the same age as me.
In society it is more acceptable for there to be a gap between the ages in adult relationships, with the guy being older. It really hasn't been explained why.
I feel that it's a contradiction to the freedom that we are supposed to have in America. You can't help who you love.
Richauna Williams
From Stephanie Einck:
I don't think age is a big deal anymore when dating someone. Most people will date someone regardless of age. I think when you get older age doesnt become a big issue anymore, as to where you are younger. When you are younger most people will find it kind of strange if you are 16 and dating a 22 year old, but when you are 22 and dating a 31 year old people no questions are asked.
I think males are often older because most women believe since they are older, then they are mature, but ususally that is not the case. I think it is unacceptable for an adult to date a minor, only when they are above the age of 30. I think if they are that serious about a relationship then they can wait until the minor is of age. I was dating my boyfriend when i turned 16 and he was 18 already, that is considerd to be datin a minor, I dont see a problem with that because he had just turned 18 and i was about to turn 17. I am still dating him and we never had problems with the age differnce.
I dont think age should determine if the other person is "right" for you, you can help they way you feel and who you love. Everyone has different views on the whole situation. If you love them you love them, no one can change that, and i don't think you should let age come beuween you.
Hope that helps :)
There is no age difference in relationships. If you are in love with someone you have to look past their age. It does not change when you get older; what if your spouse died and you found someone who was 30 years older than you? Would you not be with them because they are that much older?? Probably not. People these days don't care about age..no one wants to be "available" all their life. Personally, I think males should be older in a relationship. I think this because guys are suppose to "protect" you, so in my eyes that means they need to be older. I can't talk too much because my mom is 1.5 years older than my father, but it doesn't matter. I think it is unacceptable to date a minor if like the adult is 30 years old, that just makes you think he's out to get some and that is all he wants. Females do mature at different rates, but sometimes you need a little immatureness to make a relationship work, so that is when they guy fits into the picture! They will protect you when it comes down to it; no matter what the age difference is.
Sonja
The ideal age difference should be at least 5 years apart. I say that because I feel thats a big enough gap in between. No i feel that it doesn't change when you get older. I think that the reason the male is the older one becaus e they feel that they are mature then women which is not true. It is unacceptable for a 18 year old to be dating a 30 year old now that is just gross. No adults in there right mind should be dating a minor they should look at it as if that were their kid and an adult was dating them, now they wouldn't like that one bit. I really don't know why society frowns maybe because they see that as that is just wrong which it really is. Yes, people do mature at different ages its just wrong for for adults to be dating minors. Age plays a significant role because its not right for a 40 years old to be dating a 18 year old that could be his daughter and I just think that is wrong.
I hope I answered your question.
Edwidge Philizaire
Hi, Bridgette. You're getting some good responses here. It might be helpful for you to look at the comments for an entry called "Adrianna's Question about gender/age differences in relationships" down lower on the blog. If there's anything there that you can use, go ahead and paste it into the Report section of your paper.
John
I don't believe there is an "ideal" age difference between people in a relationship. The age difference is completely up to the people involved in a relationship. I think society believes differently though. It is unacceptable for an adult to date a minor when the minor's parents object to it. People these days are trying to have everything "Politically Correct" and with relationships that doesn't really work. Everyone is different, and the age between couples can very greatly based on the maturity of people. Once both partners are adults, society basically ignores any age difference even if it is 30 years.
Jeremy Lamb
People do mature at different rates. However, personally, I think it's absolutely ridiculous and disgusting when someone dates someone who is young enough to be their kid, or worse yet, grandkid! That's messed up! There is something seriously wrong with that picture, because for one, what on earth would a person that much younger want with a person old enough to be their parent? Uh, duh! M-O-N-E-Y! Hello! And why do older people want to be with a person that much younger? S-E-X! Then when the money runs out, the older person just can't understand why the young person left! Geez! Figure it out! They wanted to have sex with someone their own age!!! They didn't want the older person, they wanted their money! I have had friends who whined over someone way younger leaving them, and I just get disgusted. Shame on them! All of them! Each are using the other, and that is not right.
Stacie Carlson
From Barb Beals:
I don't believe there is an ideal age difference in a dating relationship. However, I do believe that men mature slower than women do so it's probably best for women to date or marry older men. As high as the divorce rate is it probably doesn't matter because they won't be together long anyway. I think it's all about life experiences and environment that make a person who they are. For example my boyfriend is 24, I am 7 years older than he is. He is a marine, he has served 3 tours overseas, and is more mature than most 35 year olds I know. So to back up my statement that it's all about the life experiences...they go a long way towards maturity.
I don't know that age has anything to do with it..other than it is NEVER acceptable for an adult to date a minor.
My father was 10 years older than my mother. And they were married until death. My husband is only 18 months older than I and next year we will celebrate our 25th anniversary. My sister is 10 months older than her husband of 35 years.
I do agree that people mature at different rates, but to have a lasting, mature relationship-you both have to be mature.
I dont think it matters who is the older person in the relationship, the only thing that is needed is love, respect, and devotion. So, I guess that means I dont agree with the conclusion that age plays a significant role in whether someone is "right" or not for the other person.
Pam
Everyone does mature at different rates. At the same time, it's usually true that females mature more quickly than males. This is why it is usually a younger woman with an older man. As for the the ideal difference in ages between two people in a relationship, there is no good answer. The real question isn't age, but compatibility, which I don't think has anything to do with age. When it comes to relationships between a 20 year old and a 16 year old there is the issue that so much of maturing happens during those years and many people will be suspicious of whether the 16 year old really knows what they're doing.
All in all, age shouldn't matter at all as long as it isn't sexual abuse on young children. In relationships, it's more about compatibility and comfort than anything else.
Everyone does mature at different rates. At the same time, it's usually true that females mature more quickly than males. This is why it is usually a younger woman with an older man. As for the the ideal difference in ages between two people in a relationship, there is no good answer. The real question isn't age, but compatibility, which I don't think has anything to do with age. When it comes to relationships between a 20 year old and a 16 year old there is the issue that so much of maturing happens during those years and many people will be suspicious of whether the 16 year old really knows what they're doing.
All in all, age shouldn't matter at all as long as it isn't sexual abuse on young children. In relationships, it's more about compatibility and comfort than anything else.
Katie Buck
I believe everyone, male and female, mature at a different age. I know my friends have been the same since I was five and dont seem to realize what lies ahead of them in their lives. Most of these friends are males, but that doesn't mean all of us are bad.
At a young age, everyone told me I was wise beyond my years and that I was the most mature teen they had ever met. When I was 14, people believed I was attending college. But I also believe women tend to mature a lot quicker than men do. I think the age doesnt matter either way though.
If you make each other happy, and love one another, then is it really going to matter in the end? Now if you're a creepy old man with a young girl, then obviously something is wrong. The laws say that once you are 18, you basically can't touch any minors, but what happens when your girlfriend or boyfriend is 17 and you've been dating for 2 years? Then that makes the relationship "illegal."
I realize the laws are there to protect minors, but sometimes these laws dont always consider every situation. And what if you're 4 years apart and know that you are going to marry that man or woman, but the law says you can't be together? Ideally most couples are about 1-2 years apart, but if you've found the one person you know will make you the happiest in your life, then why would one silly number make a difference?
The comment above was from Mike Sheppard
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